This is an absolute requirement if youre actually on a train, but dont be afraid to randomly bring one of these up in casual conversation as well (maybe when youre meeting the parents). Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. As I was on the train on the way home last night, I thought hat a good topic for this week's puns and one-liners would be train jokes, so here are a collection of railway related gags. */. Those who steal trains must have a locomotive! We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. They have a red caboose! What a cute bunch of cows! she remarked. The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. The fabric is made of ultra-soft combed cotton to get that comfortable fit and feel and comes in every size possible from Small to XX-Large. We think this is because theres something about trains that appeals to everyone on a very childlike level. These jokes are so filthy; you might just want to cleanse . Q: Why is the railroad angry? Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. 26. The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, Yes I am., He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. Q: Why was the Model Railroader tossed out of the party?A: He spiked the punch. Theyre running with a skeleton service. More jokes about: age, dirty, health, love, marriage. 67. Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. 98. What do you call a sick locomotive? A: A chew, chew train. 69. 45. A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. Q: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time?A: Choo choo!. Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. An elderly lady walked into a Toronto ticket office and asked for a ticket to New York. Its just fun to play them! Your email address will not be published. A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. Went to a railway fancy dress party. A: A jellicopter! 2.-. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 34. 41. good train and railway jokes are hard to come by. Three blondes are walking through a forest when they spot tracks on the ground. I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. The police made him give it back. I dont believe you, can you slide it under the door? He snapped back annoyedly. So he lies down next to the wife. Youve got to hand it to themWhats the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. The complaints and suggestions book was given to him and he wrote: There should not be any last couch in the train. Little Johnny asks back, "Then who fucks the storks?" Woah there, Little Johnny! The article talks 24 NSFW dirty jokes that are so inappropriate, theyre actually funny. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. I remember in the good old days all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam. I've always been driven by the joy of monorails. The man starts running in mid-air. A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. 76. He asked for the banana but we didnt give it to him, we swear! says one of the guards. Believe it or not, putting salt on a railroad track in Alabama was once punishable by death. One-Liners in Spanish These are funny S panish jokes that you can say in a single line or as a response. Jack: Did you hear about the Model Railroader whose layout got trampled by a herd of buffalo?Fred: No, whats he doing now?Jack: Remodeling., 65. I always like chewing gum on the train. Choose your size on Amazon! A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesnt go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought. Unlike teachers, locomotives always tell you to choo choo.I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by, but I was too afreight to ask.I went to a throwback party at the train station. 60 Rib-cracking Electrician Jokes To Light Up Your Mood Last Updated on March 6, 2023 Table of Contents Funny Electrician Jokes Wrap Up Electrical job isn't all fun and games. 90. I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. If they make the cut (as a stalwart humor publisher we have very high standards) well be sure to include them. Its not essential for you to be actually on a train to tell these train joke. 44. Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? Joke has 85.78 % from 2120 votes. Sir, we dont stop at Victoria, the collector said. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. After that, I picked up the pace quickly. Location: Melbourne, Australia. Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt. A large two engine train was crossing America. Theyre always ready to take one for the steam. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.Your parents just left you, said the stationmaster. 87. Hes running at 30 MPH. I cant help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since. Q: Why is the railroad angry? The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along. Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.It was exhausting to listen to the conductors argument because she had a one-track mind. If I was the judge, I'd sentence you to my bed. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.No, I admitted.Then that explains, she said, why you didnt bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train., 54. 70. 92. A train with a coal-d. My buddy made the grand final of the national model train competition. But I have to get off there! he insisted.Well, there might be one thing I can do. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.No matter where you are, youll never see happy railroad tracks. It leaves tracks. My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying Here comes the train, and we always used to eat it straight away. A mother was working in the kitchen and her son was playing in his. 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile Prepare to derail the conversation with these totally funny train jokes and puns. 61 Funny Sleep Puns And Jokes You Need To See, 101 Rock Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 100+ SMore Puns & Jokes That Are The Perfect Treat, 31 Balloon Puns & Jokes That Are Seriously Funny, 19 Box Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 32 Snail Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny. Everyone had on platforms.No matter what, the train I regularly take home is always late. Its a slowcomotive.Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. 18. If you like and want to read more train jokes, below is a compilation you can read through: These are some of the humorous, fun and exciting jokes about a train and a train toy could bring. Unsplash / Lana Abie 1. Q: What do you get when you cross a Thomas Train and Shakespeare?A: Toby or not toby, that is the question! Everyone had on platforms. Sure hold on a second., The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, Im sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train., The man says, I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook.. "Look lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" A passenger train is creeping slowly along. A: Because he's not a conductor! You did superbly under cross-examination.Thanks, he said, but he sure had me worried.Hows that? the lawyer asked.I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!, 56. These train jokes are meant to be funny, but some can be offensive at the same time. 75. Did you hear about the train robbery down in Mexico? Its a slowcomotive. 1. Dont hesitate to contact us if you do and we are looking forward to hearing from you. Theyre really good at covering their tracks. 28. Ive always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! The train track says a pint for me, please, and one for the road.I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didnt want to leave his trunk in the baggage car. 96. now, cause this is the last stop! The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. 16. Thats nearly impossible, he stated. Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station. Q: What wobbles when it flies? When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He first punches a hole in the new bulb. The troll who lives under my local railway bridge is my arch enemy. Q: Why is Duck not a very useful engine?A: Because his windshield is qwacked. Look at that S car go!. A: Because he's not a conductor! Ready to explore these jokes about train? He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.When the train reached Chicago, the mans co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire trip.The man replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys. It was an end of line sale. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. Q: What happened to the man that took the 5 oclock train home?A: He had to give it back! Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train. 5.-. How does a train avoid detection? I guess that's why I like monorails so much! Everyone was wearing platforms.Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. 31. youre in your car and you come up to a railroad crossing. Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,". Ive always been driven by the joy of monorails.Well, one thing Ill say about ticket inspectors is that youve certainly got to hand it to them.Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station.I handed in my notice today and left my job as a newspaper reporter. Have you reached the age of a grown-up? 35. Otherwise she wouldnt untie us from the tracks. The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process mumble, smile, raise hand, silence.Maggie watched this closely, and after about an hour, she said, in a concerned voice, Excuse me. There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive. To their astonishment, the Scots dont buy a ticket at all. When he got in he said to the ticket man, Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. Why cant trains sit down? A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. One trains the mind, the other minds the trainsI know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? 91. But if you're bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs it'll earn you. I like to share a train pun or one-liner.